HOW TO HEAL FROM A BREAK-UP

When I awoke yesterday, I had a boyfriend who had just the previous day, spoken about us possibly moving in together. At 8:00 a.m. yesterday, he called with the surprising news that he's been thinking about taking a break from the relationship. My response was immediate: "Ok. I have to go, goodbye." Click. I hung up the phone. We've been through this before. It's my own fault, and I should have known better than to have allowed him back into my heart.

It's hard for me to believe that I am going to be 53 years old next month, and my life-long dream of having a wonderful relationship still eludes me.

I'm going to change that. I am Swan. I will swim and not sink. This blog will be my witness; my anonymous diary; my commitment to myself, and hopefully, a documentary of my journey from isolation, heartbreak & illness to love and happiness.

Yesterday, after receiving my morning punch to the gut. I put on my bathing suit and went to my aqua aerobics class. I cried on the way over, but got it together before walking into the gym. During the drive home, I cried a little, then pulled myself together before going to Home Goods to buy some pink flowers. I recently had a consultation with a Feng Shui master who told me that my bedroom needed pink flowers to balance a metal imbalance. My love live was clearly not thriving, so if pink flowers could help turn that around, then pink flowers it would be!

While at Home Goods, I had a very interesting experience. I found my pink flowers, and then I saw some pink sheets. I love pink. Pink is my favorite color. When I was in my 30’s, I realized that it is impossible to be unhappy in a pink room. My bedroom was full of dark, heavy colors & old antiques. I decided to treat myself to a set of pretty, happy pink sheets.

I continued shopping and soon found myself in an aisle full of décor for little girls’ rooms. Everywhere I looked was pinkness, cuteness, happiness. Then I saw a large 40” x 30” beautiful, whimsical painting of a princess castle with sparkles and rhinestones. So inspirational! It struck me how far I had come from my long-ago dreams of fairy tales, love, and happily ever after.

As I stood there admiring the painting, I had a crazy idea, which I dismissed at first, but the longer I stood there, the less crazy it seemed. Why can’t I have that painting? Why do we only encourage little girls to dream big, happy dreams? At 52 years old, I could live another 40 years or more. My dreams are not over yet! In fact, according to the Law of Attraction, having that happy painting in my bedroom, along with my new pink flowers and pink sheets, will be just what I need at this point in my life. It will help me to attract the happiness that I am looking for. So, you guessed it -- I bought the painting!

Now, here’s the really interesting thing that happened. I put the large painting in my cart and as I made my way up to the checkout lady, six different women stopped me to admire the painting. We were all enraptured by it! It was amazing! One woman said, “It’s so beautiful, and comforting.” Another one said wistfully, “I remember those days…” A couple of women asked me where I had gotten it. I had to tell them that it was the last one. They looked crestfallen. When I finally reached the checkout lady, and handed her the painting, she smiled and said, “Is this for a little girl?” I smiled back and answered, “Yes.”

I know that all those women assumed that I was buying the painting for a little girl, and judging from their reactions to it, I believe that each of them would have loved to have had the painting for themselves, but for some reason they didn’t believe it was still possible to dream the kinds of fanciful dreams the painting elicited. In their minds, those days were over. Those days of fun and frivolity, when anything was possible -- maybe even the dreams of happily ever after; the days of pinkness -- all gone. As an adult, when I see pink now-a-days, it is usually associated with breast cancer. Time to take back the pink!

When I got home, I put the pink flowers on my dresser, and the pink sheets on my bed. Then I hung the new painting on my wall next to my serious grown-up art, and directly across from my bed so I will see it constantly. I put a new, lighter bedspread on my bed. The energy of my bedroom had been dark and heavy – much like my love life, but that is going to change now. I have chosen the animal totem of the swan. The swan is all about transformation. I am going to get through this break-up with dignity and grace, and go on to live a life of happily ever after. I am going to swim and not sink. I am Swan.